Depression and Relationships

Depression can be extremely hard on one person, so obviously adding another person into the equation, or already having a partner when depression sets in, can make the situation even harder.  As mentioned in an earlier post, people with depression benefit from close relationships that can support them.  However, depression puts a strain on these close relationships, especially if they are romantic relationships.  A depressed person often seems to lose interest in things and losing interest in a relationship is often viewed by the other partner as a loss in commitment.  This typically causes conflict, which can result in a worsening of the depression, ending in a vicious cycle for the relationship.

In order to avoid this terrible spiral downward for relationships, here are some lists with steps that each partner can take in order to cope with the depression.  In a relationship each partner must take on the struggles of the other person for a healthy relationship.   The person in the relationship with a depressed partner must take steps to help the relationship as well as the partner with depression.

These steps are provided by:
Article 1
Article 2

If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression:

1. Share your feelings with your partner as much as possible.  Your reluctance to talk about how you feel only creates distance between you and your loved one.  It’s especially important to keep the lines of communication open during trying times

2. Let your partner know that you still find him or her attractive.  An affectionate touch and a few reassuring words can mean a lot, even if you don’t feel inclined toward more intimate relations.

3. Consider couples or family counseling.  Your willingness to talk about your relationship and how it may be affected by depression speaks volumes to family members and loved ones about their importance in your life.

4. Make the effort to have a cuddle.  If you do this, you may both feel a lot better. Touch and closeness can keep a relationship intact.

5. Try to go for a walk every day, preferably with your partner.

If you're in a relationship with someone experiencing depression:

1. Remember, your role is to offer support and encourage your loved one to seek professional help.  Encourage your partner not to settle for partial improvement and explain that with the right treatment, people with depression can regain their lives.

2. Recognize that depression is not rational.  It is painful to be rejected, scorned, or ignored, but this may be how your loved one responds to your efforts to help.

3. Care for yourself.  Carve out time to pursue your own interests and to socialize even when your partner can’t join you.  You might also want to consider seeking individual counseling.

4. Don't keep saying that you understand what your partner is going through. You don’t. Instead say: 'I can't know exactly how you're feeling, but I am trying very hard to understand and help'.

5. Many people who are depressed lose interest in sex. Try to remember that this loss of interest is probably not personal, but connected with the illness.

6. Don't despair. Some days you'll feel your love for your partner and other days won't seem to make any difference to them at all. But hang on in there. Your love and constant support should be of great help in persuading your partner of his or her value.

National Institute of Mental Health Explains Depression

The caption they provide pretty much sums up the video:

"Video from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) about the causes, symptoms, and treatments of depression."

Finding Help

If reducing depression is not working, it is advised to find a mental health service that will help out.  There are comprehensive services all across the country.  SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) provides a free mental health service locator.

It can be found here.

Reducing Depression

If you're dealing with mild depression, there are some practical things you can do to lift your mood.

1. Get some rest and relaxation. Be sure you are getting plenty of sleep and are taking time to stop and smell the flowers.

Article 1

"The relationship between sleep and depressive illness is complex – depression may cause sleep problems and sleep problems may cause or contribute to depressive disorders. For some people, symptoms of depression occur before the onset of sleep problems. For others, sleep problems appear first."

Article 2

"If you're recovering from depression, it's crucial to take time to relax. But vegging out in front of the TV doesn't count as relaxation. Try: listening to soothing music, taking a walk, taking a long bath, yoga, breathing exercises, massage, or simply scheduling downtime."

Article 3 (Online Relaxation Techniques)

"Without the ability to relax, chronic stress or anxiety can lead to burnout, anger, irritability, depression, medical problems, and more."

2. Junk the junk food. Sure, that sugar high feels good, but when you go through detox a couple of hours after later, you can feel terrible.

Article 1

"Depression and diet may be related. Some preliminary research suggests that having a poor diet can make you more vulnerable to depression. The good news is that the people who ate a diet rich in fruits, vegetables and fish were less likely to report being depressed."

3. Abstain from alcohol. Alcohol is known to aggravate a depressed mood.

Article 1

"Family history of depression or alcoholism puts a person at greater risk for developing either illness. You should know that while alcohol often causes a “good mood” at first, it is a depression-causing drug."

4.Energize with exercise. Runner's high is caused by an increase in endorphins--the feel-good brain chemicals. But you don't have to run a marathon to get the same mood-lifting feeling. Try taking a walk around the block or walking the dog for 10 or 15 minutes. You'll feel good the rest of the day.

Article 1

"Regular exercise has been proven to help: reduce stress, ward of anxiety and feelings of depression, boost self-esteem, and improve sleep. Research has shown that exercise is an effective but often underused treatment for mild to moderate depression."

5. Focus on friends and family. Leaning on others is one of the healthiest things you can do to get through a tough time in your life.

Article 1

"Families do better than patients at recognizing depression and mania. Depression disrupts family life, yet families can be major forces of care, comfort, even cure."

Article 2

"She [Julie Totten, head of Families for Depression Awareness] says it can be a big problem convincing family members with depression to get help. "Expect them to say 'no,' " she says."Then keep working at it, get other people involved, because if someone is depressed their first answer is going to be no, they don't want to do anything because they're feeling so down."

6. Learn to laugh. Laughing actually triggers the same endorphins that are affected by exercise.

Article 1

"Laughter stimulates our endocrine system, including the pituitary gland. The pituitary gland, in turn, stimulates release of endorphins and enkephalins, natural painkillers that are chemical cousins to opiates such as morphine and heroin."

7. Think happy thoughts. A recent study found that people who learn to have a more optimistic attitude are less likely to become depressed--even if they were naturally pessimists. Changing the way you perceive life can have a dramatic affect on your mental health.

Article 1

"Researchers followed 5,634 Australian 12- and 13-year olds for 18 months, asking them about their psychological state, substance abuse, and antisocial behavior. The more optimistic the students were, the less likely they were to become depressed."

Article 2

"Although an overly optimistic view of the future sometimes leads to underestimating risks and making unrealistic plans, “a moderate optimistic illusion” appears to be essential for maintaining motivation and good mental health."

This list was found here, with the supporting articles added by me.

What Is Depression?

I'll be the first to admit that the man in the video is kind of boring with his monotone-voice and general seemingly uninterested manner on the subject, but the information presented is worth a listen.